Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
