I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
