At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
