I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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