Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
