Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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