I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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