Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
