i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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