I want to walk on stilts...naked
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
