Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
