Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
