Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize