Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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