Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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