I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
