today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
