piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
