Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
