You work out of a Hotel?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
