So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I touched a dick in church today
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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