I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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