But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
