Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
