I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
