if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
