I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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