the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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