well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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