We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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