Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
