this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
