Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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