Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
