I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
