the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
did i just pee glitter
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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