he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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