garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
