Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
