i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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