This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
