he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
