so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
