Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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