He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize