New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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