Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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