Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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