It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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