saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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