Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
