he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize