Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
