She is in my trunk
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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