My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
