I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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