I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
