3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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