the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
