Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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