Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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