Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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