...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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