What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
