My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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