p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
