So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
