they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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