yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
