I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
