You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
