He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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