She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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