you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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