You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
